We've all been there, we can be chatting harmlessly with a friend at one moment and being screamed at for saying something wrong in the next. Conflicts happen all the time and as somebody who suffers extreme stress and anxiety, how I handle myself in the situation and the hours after the conflict can really take a toll on me and effect factors such as my self confidence and worth, motivation and overall happiness. Therefore it's extremely important that I when I catch myself dwelling on an unpleasant experience that I immediately drown it out with positivity ( listening to music really helps too).
I recently had an experience with somebody lashing out at me unnecessarily whilst trying to get a valid point across. The intent in the moment was to inform me in a degrading way however when you take away the irrelevant shouting and derogatory language I can recognise the wisdom behind the impudent words. The person was trying to teach me about the importance of acting on what you say and trying to show me how fast the turnaround time is from an idea to a product can be in the media industry.
IN THE MOMENT:
In the moment I like to focus on knowing the facts, this man was nagging me for not completing a task he gave me yesterday however it was due the day after his outburst and he was shouting at me at 10AM the day before it needed to go online. I knew that I had 75% of my time left to complete this work and that I didn't need to get stressed about it.
Do not argue back. When people shout at you for insignificant things most of the time the anger isn't because of whatever you did or didn't do, the anger is usually built up over a period of time and you just got caught in the crossfire, this is not your fault. In situations like this I prefer to let the person shout and release all their anger out ( I also knew I wouldn't be able to reason with him) unfair? I know, but this is better than arguing and causing a bigger scene than it already is.
In through one ear and out through the other. By this I mean that when somebody is shouting at you, you can't just drown them out, this could make them even more annoyed or come off as rude however you shouldn't put yourself through all of the negative energy that's coming your way. Therefore what I like to do is listen fully to what my lecturer has to say and sift through what's important and what isn't, often I let go of exact words and distract myself when something hurtful comes up by looking out of the window or checking my phone. When the person starts repeating themselves and loses sight of what they are trying to communicate across, this is when I let the information go through one ear and out through the other. This helps me cope with the situation because even though I hear what they say, it doesn't stick in my mind long enough for me to feel upset about it.
AFTER THE SITUATION:
Immediately after the infamous roast I immediately stuck my headphones in and played some music, I find that music blocks my thoughts and diverts my focus to the lyrics of a song whilst keeping me in the moment and able to communicate properly with people. Listening to the beats of a song and the perfect voices of artists helps me calm my anxiety and regulate my mind, it's my number one tip for staying calm and collected.
Release all the negativity that was transferred to you. I like to do this creatively, whether this is by creating a blog such as this one, writing a diary, singing, dancing, performing, sports or even colouring. It's so important that you release your now toxic energy into something that is harmless to others and safe for you to do, otherwise you will find yourself overthinking what happened which will effect your confidence, work ethic, overall happiness and life experience. You may even find yourself passing on that negative energy to somebody else and lashing out unnecessarily.
Find the good in the situation. After calming down and having time to process what I consciously decided to take in I now know the turnaround times of media, how stressful the industry can be at times and how time management plays a significant role in the industry. Due to the fact that I drowned out the degrading language I cannot remember exact words that were used therefore there isn't anything for me to overanalyse and dwell upon.
The process of focus and self strength comes with self love and practice.
I hope you all found this read helpful and took something important from it.
As always feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org whether it's to vent, get life advice or just have a useful chat.
Bigmouth.maya, the art of speaking your truth.
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