We've all been there, we can be chatting harmlessly with a friend at one moment and being screamed at for saying something wrong in the next. Conflicts happen all the time and as somebody who suffers extreme stress and anxiety, how I handle myself in the situation and the hours after the conflict can really take a toll on me and effect factors such as my self confidence and worth, motivation and overall happiness. Therefore it's extremely important that I when I catch myself dwelling on an unpleasant experience that I immediately drown it out with positivity ( listening to music really helps too).
I recently had an experience with somebody lashing out at me unnecessarily whilst trying to get a valid point across. The intent in the moment was to inform me in a degrading way however when you take away the irrelevant shouting and derogatory language I can recognise the wisdom behind the impudent words. The person was trying to teach me about the importance of acting on what you say and trying to show me how fast the turnaround time is from an idea to a product can be in the media industry.
IN THE MOMENT:
In the moment I like to focus on knowing the facts, this man was nagging me for not completing a task he gave me yesterday however it was due the day after his outburst and he was shouting at me at 10AM the day before it needed to go online. I knew that I had 75% of my time left to complete this work and that I didn't need to get stressed about it.
Do not argue back. When people shout at you for insignificant things most of the time the anger isn't because of whatever you did or didn't do, the anger is usually built up over a period of time and you just got caught in the crossfire, this is not your fault. In situations like this I prefer to let the person shout and release all their anger out ( I also knew I wouldn't be able to reason with him) unfair? I know, but this is better than arguing and causing a bigger scene than it already is.
In through one ear and out through the other. By this I mean that when somebody is shouting at you, you can't just drown them out, this could make them even more annoyed or come off as rude however you shouldn't put yourself through all of the negative energy that's coming your way. Therefore what I like to do is listen fully to what my lecturer has to say and sift through what's important and what isn't, often I let go of exact words and distract myself when something hurtful comes up by looking out of the window or checking my phone. When the person starts repeating themselves and loses sight of what they are trying to communicate across, this is when I let the information go through one ear and out through the other. This helps me cope with the situation because even though I hear what they say, it doesn't stick in my mind long enough for me to feel upset about it.
AFTER THE SITUATION:
Immediately after the infamous roast I immediately stuck my headphones in and played some music, I find that music blocks my thoughts and diverts my focus to the lyrics of a song whilst keeping me in the moment and able to communicate properly with people. Listening to the beats of a song and the perfect voices of artists helps me calm my anxiety and regulate my mind, it's my number one tip for staying calm and collected.
Release all the negativity that was transferred to you. I like to do this creatively, whether this is by creating a blog such as this one, writing a diary, singing, dancing, performing, sports or even colouring. It's so important that you release your now toxic energy into something that is harmless to others and safe for you to do, otherwise you will find yourself overthinking what happened which will effect your confidence, work ethic, overall happiness and life experience. You may even find yourself passing on that negative energy to somebody else and lashing out unnecessarily.
Find the good in the situation. After calming down and having time to process what I consciously decided to take in I now know the turnaround times of media, how stressful the industry can be at times and how time management plays a significant role in the industry. Due to the fact that I drowned out the degrading language I cannot remember exact words that were used therefore there isn't anything for me to overanalyse and dwell upon.
The process of focus and self strength comes with self love and practice.
I hope you all found this read helpful and took something important from it.
As always feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org whether it's to vent, get life advice or just have a useful chat.
Bigmouth.maya, the art of speaking your truth.
Today i'm going to let you in so you can find out a little more about yours truly.
In primary school I didn't speak much at all, I was the shy kid that the teacher had to ask students to play with me at break time. Truth is, I was super antisocial, I had extreme anxiety everyday before getting to school to the point where I was getting stomach aches. I was just over the whole place, the kids were sweet and did all they could to include me but I wouldn't reciprocate the effort. Whilst everyone was outside playing football or kiss-chase, I was sitting in the toilets reading or outside observing the other kids. I dreaded Golden Time, that one hour free on a Friday would have me nearly in tears. Imagine this, an unfortunate looking brown girl sitting round the back of the year 6 huts staring into nothingness, that was me. I hated not having set tasks to complete and wasting an hour of my day on something I didn't see as fun.
Growing up I never felt as though I belonged anywhere outside of the house, I felt most comfortable learning, painting and discovering what life had to offer, there were no boundaries as to what I could do. Outside of my family, there was nowhere that I felt safe to open up and live my fantasy. My dreams were always sky high and that didn't change as I grew up. I used to host The Maya Show, a show where I would sing and dance around my grandparents front room for hours on end, in my eyes, I was the star, all eyes were on me and I craved the spotlight. As you can see, I never wanted to be labelled as regular or normal, in year 6 I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I responded Victoria Secret model.... sadly in year 8 I googled the height requirements needed and that dream died a slow and painful death.
The summer before high school my mum had forced me to do a Performing Arts mini course where we showcased Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, whilst there I felt at home, I sang, danced and acted infront of strangers and it felt like a place where I belonged. I met this high school boy and he seemed really self confident, care free and he just loved life and I asked him how he was able to be so "him" because I knew I couldn't continue being as closed off as I was in primary school. He told me that I needed to fall in love with me before I loved anyone else, he explained that once you love yourself, nobody else's opinion matters. And the fact that I wasn't stable in myself stopped me from seeing the good in everybody else, after all, if you can't love yourself how are you gonna love somebody else- RuPaul (every single episode of drag race ever).
I took his advice and started to create this character that loved myself, unfortunately I developed unflattering traits like bitchiness and being judgemental, I realise now that they were manifestations of my insecurities that were still lurking beneath the mask.
Fast forward a few years to when the love of my life Treat died. Treat was my cat and forever my baby in heaven, he was my first experience of mourning a great loss. He was there from the moment I was carried into my home as a newborn, he was my guardian angel, he protected me from the monsters at night and ate my vegetables when I didn't want to. And suddenly, he wasn't with me anymore. This is the only moment in my life where I truly felt alone, I had no one and it was me against the world. This loss sent me spiralling as I didn't have my guardian angel in my life anymore, this was the start of the process of losing my hair. My foundations of who I was had been broken and I had to find myself all over again. On top of not fitting in in high school and being called dumb for being a creative to even my bad diet, my hair then fell out.
My hair falling out is my biggest blessing in disguise as it helped me to face all of the suppressed issues held deep inside. I accepted that I had no hair, I accepted that I didn't know what I wanted to do, I accepted my differences and truly began to love me for me. That's when my life started to change.
I realised that I could achieve all of my dreams as long as I persevered, I understood that there is a place where I belong and my high school was not that place. I understood what I had to do, so I branded myself and the journey to ultimate success and happiness began here.
GCSEs... the shittest thing anybody could go through. GCSEs were the most degrading thing i've EVER had to do, this is why. I know i'm clever, I know I can achieve anything I ever wanted and more. GCSEs are made to find out how smart or dumb somebody is, as a creative, this never sat right with me because I could deliver the BEST monologue you could ever hear or complete the most amazing storyboard pitch, but in the eyes of the education system, the school and student body, this wasn't as important as getting your academic grades. The stigma is that creatives are dumb and academic students are the ones that will achieve the most in life. My entire GCSE Media course was based off of theory work, all the information I was taught was not technically correct, and I never got to hold technical equipment once... i'm saying this to highlight the fact that creative subjects do not get the importance, recognition or funding they deserve in high schools. Throughout all the careers fairs, lectures and leaflets there was never a single representative from any creative field. The possibility of working in the creative industries wasn't even shown to me.
Luckily one person changed all of this for me and that was my mentor, my parents had shown me creative courses I could go on and I was discussing them with my mentor. She mentioned that she had heard about The Global Academy on the radio and that I should check it out, I did, and I found that feeling of being at home. As a person my mentor helped my through a lot during the GCSE process, it felt as though I was being squashed and drowned in a sea of possibly failing exams and when I walked into her office I was reminded that being a creative was ok and that I was smarter than I thought I was. I hated the person I became in year 11. I was constantly moody, depressed and on the verge of tears, it felt as though if I didn't force myself to be a high achieving academic I would have nothing, luckily my mentor was there for me and dealt with all my bullshit drama. She was one of the people who helped me see that high school was not the place for me and that to get everything I want in life I had to move on. In the bigger picture, she as well as my media teacher and a few others helped me get back on track to my plan all those years ago of becoming someone in this world.
That brings me to the present day, iv'e finally found a place where I belong, where I can be truly me, a raw version of me who is loved and accepted by both myself and others. I don't wear a mask anymore and i'm finally embracing being a creative. My work ethic is the best it's ever been as i'm being encouraged to dream big and chase my goals, nowadays I can't sleep unless i've created something that is going to help me grow or change the world, if I sit and watch movies I get anxious, I realise that the anxiety all those years ago was because I wasn't able to chase my goals and do something about my passion, i couldn't manifest greatness. I wake up early because i'm eager to create and I want to eat healthy. I do yoga, do my affirmations and am nurturing the most beautiful friendships with likeminded individuals. I AM HAPPY. And have learnt to never settle for a regular life ever again.
For the longest time now, i've been wanting to create something that people wear or have and feel empowered by. After high school I had about 6 weeks to brainstorm what I wanted to do, the reality of making it happen, and where I was going to sell it.
In early September the business took a back seat as I settled into college, however as soon as I was comfortable, my aim to brighten people's lives resumed. I finalised on the idea of creating jewellery as it seemed the most do-able referring to the amount of time I would set aside to create designs and assemble the jewellery and the fact that I could then sell them in collaboration with NishaDavdra.
Then there was the long process of selecting which stones, earring backs and other elements I wanted to use, I was limited in what I could buy as the first launch would host no more than 10 products.
When the raw materials arrived I learnt how to assemble them thus creating my jewellery.
I then photographed and listed my jewellery online and created adverts for social media...
And there you have it, thats how The MAYA Collection came about!
To view the collection copy and paste this link : https://www.nishadavdra.com/store/c48/Swarovski_Elements.html and go to Page 3.
Items are available at www.nishadavdra.com, go to jewellery store, then swarovski elements, The MAYA Collection is available from Page 3.
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